Let me begin by saying that I promise not all my posts will have song title titles; it’s just this one seems so appropriate.
So, I have shared with you all that I have an AMAZING significant other named Martin. He is the joy of my life and quite honestly the most loving, caring and genuinely nice guy I have ever known. He is the first person I have let in my life that takes care of ME (when I allow him to) and let’s me take care of him as well. So, given that he concerns himself with me and my overall well-being – emotional, mental and physical – it makes sense that his Christmas gift to me would be a piece of exercise equipment.
He knows and supports my goal of losing weight/improving my physical health and wanted to contribute with a gift to help me reach those goals. That gift is a Gazelle Freestyle Glider.
Yes, that is correct – THE Gazelle Freestyle Glider, the Gazelle of Tony Little fame, the Tony Little of infomercial greatness, the celebrated fitness guru with the jheri-curled mullet from the 90’s. Martin selected the Gazelle for a number of reasons – cost, ease of storage, range of work-out options and mostly, the 30-day in-home trial. Anyway, the “machine” arrived yesterday…
While I was at work, Martin slaved away, assembling the monster. The Gazelle now resides in our TV room, tucked in a corner, “..out of the way but in clear vision” so there is no forgetting my commitment to daily exercise. (That Martin, he’s a clever one!) So, I come home to my sweet partner’s smiling face and he unveils the machine. It is a simple-looking device with a design that suggests an easy path to superior health. We enjoyed dinner and, after I stalled for as long as possible, it was time to face the music. Martin inserted the accompanying workout DVD and I was off on the road to wellness and firm, tight buttocks.
The DVD is hosted by an Olivia-Newton-John-Let’s-Get-Physical-Type named Sharon Money Twombley. Clad in form-fitting workout attire, alone with her Gazelle on a set that screams 1993 (I am sure the original workout program came on your choice of VHS or BETA tape), Sharon warmly encourages and guides me through my first 30 minute Gazelle workout. Using phrases like “You’re doing great!” and “If the scissor steps are too hard at first, just resume the standard glide motion,” Sharon easily coaches me through 30 reasonably enjoyable minutes of exercise. The cardio benefits are immediately evident from the sweat rolling down my back (I guess I could be in better shape, LOL!) Thankfully, the enclosed training manual suggests working out every other day for the first two weeks until my fitness level and balance improve.
At the end of the workout, I glanced over at Martin’s beaming face, so proud of me that I had:
- Actually completed the full workout (OK, I did resume the “glide” twice),
- Had completed the workout with a minimum of swearing and cursing,
- Had actually been able to stand AND move on the machine (remember, I have had ballroom dance training; even so, although I like to think I did the machine’s name Gazelle proud, I bet I looked a lot more like one of the dancing hippos from Disney’s “Fantasia”) and,
- I told him it “Wasn’t so bad.”
Martin. How I love that guy. Will I ever be a “chiseled hunk of man flesh?” I suspect not. I mean, I’d like to think so but even if I never become one, I know one man who will always see me that way…