Oh, you’ve seen them – urban hipsters. Those willowy, unkempt-looking denizens of trendy coffee houses (although they always order chai lattes with soy). They seem so effortlessly “cool,” so seemingly un-put together. It makes you sad to know you will never be that cool – or will you? Follow these six, simple steps and you will become the urban hipster poster child overnight. Head-to- toe, let’s begin:
1. You MUST have a pair of cool, slightly-retro eyeglasses (if you don’t need glasses – get them with clear lenses). There are many styles, but ANYTHING from Warby Parker is too cool.
2. Stop shaving. ALL urban hipsters have a solid ten o’clock shadow (that’s a double five o’clock shadow). You’ll need to buy a good set of clippers to keep the stubble groomed “just so…”
3. This is MOST important; you MUST have a clever, mustache finger tattoo:
4. Now, a loose V-neck tee is acceptable but skinny jeans are a MUST. Note: If you can fit your hand in the pockets of your skinny jeans without extreme effort (and some swearing), they are NOT tight enough…
5. Be sure you smoke some ridiculous, obscure brand of imported cigarettes. If they can come in a shiny metallic, skinny, flip-top box, all the better.
There you have it, a simple plan to become a member of the tribe in six easy steps. Good luck, and enjoy your new-found “coolness.”