Female Crimes of Fashion – Textured Hosiery

A friend mentioned recently that I have been a bit rough on the guys and their fashion faux pas of late, and asked me if there was anything women were doing that drove me crazy, fashion-wise. While I can think of a few things ladies do that that make me crazy – like emulate Ke$ha – two words IMMEDIATELY “popped” into my head: Textured. Hosiery.

Trio of legs

singlesListen ladies, I get it – your gender bears the unbelievable burden of looking “fabulous” every moment. As a gay man, I understand it even more – the taxing bother of “coordinating” shoes and bags and belts and slacks and blouses and jackets, not to mention accessories. Earrings and bracelets and watches, Oh My! And of course, everybody – male and female – want to be fashion forward and au courant, style-wise. But ladies, I beg you – unless you have the legs of Naomi Campbell or Karolina Kurkova, please do NOT attempt to wear these things…

You see, while these may look “OK” on leggy super models (and to be honest, I don’t even think they look that good on them – they look costume-y!), on the average woman, these look simply ridiculous.

Textured tights models

While I would never DREAM of undermining Stacy London and Clinton Kelly, or Rachel Zoe and Brad Goreski, I don’t think one must be a professional fashion stylist to agree that, for the most part, this fashion trend is a B-I-G mistake on 99.99% of women.

I mean, really – do you want your legs to look like you have been dating the Gorton’s of Gloucester Fisherman? Do you want your gams to look like you are wearing the lacy doilies off your Grandma’s sofa, or suggest that you have an odd fascination with eye exam charts? Please – just say “NO!” to textured hosiery. I think ultimately you’ll be glad you did!

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