Letting Go…

Close friends know that I have been in therapy for years. YEARS. I’ve never really been ashamed about it; in fact, in an odd way, I feel kinda’ proud that I have spent the better part of a decade and a half confronting my “demons,” some of them given to me by others and some of them created on my own. Most of my demons have been banished now – I like to think I am a pretty dang good person, pretty whole. Sometimes, though, it is easy to fall back into old ways of thinking and/or old patterns of behavior, which is why I am writing this post…

For more than a week, I have been personally fermenting and fretting over some recent political actions in DC. I have walked around with a level of rage inside, mixed with feelings of disappointment, anger, betrayal (a LOT of betrayal) and hopelessness. It is NOT a place I like to be. Which brings me back to one of my therapy experiences…

Some time back in my journey, I had feelings I just could not “let go” of no matter how hard I tried. My awesome therapist asked me to “name them” and then asked if I would be willing to try a new way to get rid of them. She suggested I get a helium balloon for each negative memory, person or emotion I could not seem to shake. I was to transfer all that negative emotional energy into each one of those balloons, pick a calm, peaceful spot that I could revisit when necessary and then, with purpose, joy, a deep breath and conviction, let the balloons go…

Balloon release

I was lucky enough to have my beloved M with me and, as he held my hand and I squeezed his, we watched those balloons float away for as long as we could see them. It was such a release for me; I remember silently crying, tears streaming down my cheeks as all that darkness left me. I was so happy.

I feel I might need to take a swing by that place again very soon. (It is a very old, beautiful park not too far from where we live). The “ugly” I released that day has not come back – instead, in its place, I feel a sense of sadness and “doom and gloom” creeping in after last week’s events. I want to send those feelings away ASAP, too…

I won’t need the balloons this time – I think I have honed my focus and technique enough that I do not need the “props.” What I do need is that serene, green space and a few moments to reconnect with the all the good in The Universe and send away some of the bad.

I’m not sure where all my “balloons” are winding up, but I’d definitely like to thank that place for taking them off my hands. I hope you have room for a few more…

2 responses to “Letting Go…

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