GOOGLE – I Need Your HELP!

Not that it’s like Google isn’t worth a bahjillion dollars already but, Hey, Google? Here’s an idea that you can have from me for FREE – I just want to be able to access this service when it becomes available…

Google? Please add an “at&t Wireless Monthly Statement Translator” (decoder?) to your array of translation services. Let me explain.

One “billing cycle” ago, my beloved and I decided to take advantage of an offer from at&t for what were essentially free iPhone 5’s. The catch? We simply had to renew our service contract for two years. No problem, right? Ugh…

My new statement came this month – it’s “clear, clutter-free, easy-to-understand format” looks like this:

ATT sample statementThis of course is not my personal statement but it looks very much like the one above. However, for all intents and purposes, it might as well look like this:

Example of ancient AramiacThe image above is an example of the ancient language of Aramiac. Are there people that can understand/can read it? Sure, learned scholars and linguistic geniuses. It is the same with my at&t statement; while I am sure they ARE people that can understand it, I am not one of them.

I received a detailed, six page – SIX PAGE! – statement, showing every possible (and impossible to understand) charge and credit and new this and old that charge. It.Is.Mind-Boggling! I mean, my beloved SBF and I share a calling plan, share a data plan and share a text message plan. Simple, right? But between,“Recurring Charge Adjustments, Government Fees and Taxes, Data Bundle and SMS Mrc Charges”what ever the hell those even are! – I mean, really, who can understand this BS?

I am 55 years old, college-educated and own a business; yet, my monthly phone bill might as well be written in Sanskrit…

Google? Help me. SOMEONE help me. I am hesitant to call at&t – they will give me the U-Verse full court press before they even try to explain my billing statement, which I won’t understand anyway. Why, oh why, did we ever let ourselves be seduced by the new iPhone 5’s?

Maybe we should just go back to rotary phones and party lines. Life seemed a LOT easier – and easier to understand – back then.

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