As a gay man, I think society assumes I possess some sort of “innate fashion sense” – the natural gift to be chic, stylish and current. To be honest, were it not for my beloved Martin, I would spend my whole life wearing nothing but “relaxed fit” jeans and ringer tees. Sigh… But, as a gay man that IS involved in design, I do feel I have a bit of an understanding of men’s fashion, or at least enough to know/recognize what I like to call “Men’s Fashion Faux Paus.”
Here – in no particular order – are five of my pet offenses:
1. Overly-groomed male eyebrows – Listen, if your eyebrows have more of an arch than Tyra Banks’ – and you have a penis – that is a bad cosmetic decision. Or, if people assume you are Vulcan, again – bad choice. I apologize to the man shown below; I do not know him, but the caption for this pic on an image search engine was “pluck-3” –
2. Excessive ear and/or facial piercings – I get it. Everybody LOVES a “bad boy.” The look gets you noticed. Those facial piercings make you look dangerous, edgy and arty but trust me, cool as they may look now (BTW, they really DON’T look all that cool), when you are forty and trying to land a job in financial services, well, you are gonna’ regret those choices. Trust me on this –
3. Gladiator sandals – Men, men, men. No, no, no! Do you know why the ancient civilizations of Greece and Rome fell? Because the men (allegedly) wore this ridiculous style of footwear. Unless your birth name is Spartacus or Ulysses, JUST SAY NO to these –
4. Pants with “expandable” waistbands – Do we REALLY even need to discuss this one? I mean, c’mon – respect yourself enough to buy pants that fit or, at the very least, pants that are too big and buy a belt. These pants are for ninety-year-old retirees that live in “Flah-ri-dah” and wear adult diapers –
5. Finger nail polish for men – Unless you are front man for Green Day or Smashing Pumpkins (are those groups even still around?) OR are Adam Lambert, Johnny Depp or Marilyn Manson, PLEASE do NOT wear finger nail polish or EVEN WORSE – do not wear some whackadoo color on one finger on each hand. You look stupid. I mean, you know you do, right?
And always remember – one can never go wrong with ringer tees and jeans!