Butterflies…

Today, one of my FAVORITE sales reps, Kim WB, stopped by the studio. It is always great to see her; she is more like a friend than a rep (although she is great at BOTH!) Today we were laughing and swapping stories and – oddly enough – looking at pictures. I commented on one image of myself that I looked “…nice and round and boob-y.” Kim told me to be quiet, said I looked great and reminded me that each of us are always our own harshest critics.

I love her for that…

I have never had a great body image. Even when I was in my 20’s, taking amphetamines every day (under a doctor’s supervision, of course!) and had a 32″ waist, I was unhappy with myself. I always feel like the pale, bloated, redheaded kid hiding in the shade at the pool, wearing a t-shirt so I don’t “burn.” (It’s a bitch being fair, LOL!) Anyhow, now comfortable in my “later years,” I have made peace with my complexion – in fact, lots of people envy my wrinkle-free, un-sun damaged skin. I have accepted the fact that I am, by genetics and birthright, a “bigger guy,” although I am trying to release the thin, healthy me inside.

Part of my insecurity insanity is that, among my circle of friends, two are pretty successful on Weight Watchers. two just enjoyed great success on a 21 day “cleanse,” one – now – and one more in a week, will be protein-sparing and of course, my beloved Martin looks like a super model. Sigh. Then there is me.

The good news is, Martin loves me just as I am – and supports me trying to release the thinner me. We have AMAZING friends that love and support us, too, so I consider myself very lucky. And I also definitely believe that I will be thinner when I am ready – I lost 85 pounds before on Weight Watchers and so far have lost 25 (granted, that 85 came off in ten months like fifteen years ago and this time, it has taken two years to get to that 25. Oy!) Plus, I absolutely believe a big part of what makes people beautiful, men or women, is the fact they love and accept themselves as they are – confidence and security emit good-lookin’-ness in spades.

Anyway, I get home from work, check Facebook and the lovely Kim has sent me this quote,

BW Butterfly…along with a little note that says something to the effect that this was what we had been discussing earlier this afternoon. It actually made me tear-up a little…

Thanks, Kim, and thanks to ALL my friends that love and accept me just as I am, that support me as I try to better myself and and remind me that I am pretty good already. Thank you, Universe, for Martin. You know, at some point in my near life-long weight-loss journey, I remember doing an exercise where you were supposed to stand naked in front of a mirror with a bag over your head – I guess the thinking is that by detaching your face from your body, you are able to be more critical and objective.

I am now wondering if, by not being able to see our faces, we are not able to see the true, genuine “us,” just like a butterfly cannot see their beautiful wings. Screw that bag thing…

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