Change of Plan

I suppose it is never easy to re-imagine the future you had neatly constructed in your head. I mean, as I mentioned a day or so ago, one of my oldest, dearest friends is very ill. Gravely ill. He is leaving tomorrow for another state, to rest and relax with his family and be “unstressed” as much as possible. I worry that we may never speak again. And that makes me sad.

You see, this is the future I had always imagined happening with my friend:

Two old guys on a benchYeah, we’d just be two grizzled old coots, sitting around, BS-ing all day. Regrettably, it seems that plan has changed and I am having a bit of a hard time accepting that news. I am not one good with change – especially this type of change…

I am also a coward. I cannot bear to visit my friend, in his debilitated state, tired and gaunt and pale. And I know that is selfish and probably wrong but I prefer to keep my friend in my mind – and heart – the same rotten devil that I adored when we were “growing up” in our late 20’s/early 30’s. We worked together, we lived in the same apartment building – we were inseparable for many, many years. We used to go out six nights a week; we took Mondays “off” from bar-hopping to do laundry!

two cocktailsAnd even though I probably almost pickled my liver, every hour I spent with that knucklehead, he made me laugh. Laugh, and laugh and laugh, then laugh some more. He is the funniest guy I have ever known – he can always make me laugh. He was my best friend for quite a few years, and I tried hard every day not to be jealous – you see, he was/is EVERYONE’s best friend.

He has a heart that big. And people love him. I love him…

So I hope he will forgive me as I hold him close in my heart in this moment and skip the send-off party that is underway as I am writing this post. Actually, I know he will understand (and yet call me an ass in the same breath). I raise my symbolic glass to you, DR, and thank you for being my friend, for being my true blue and for just being you. No matter what the future holds for you, I wish you an easy journey and know we will meet up again somewhere along that road. I’m looking forward to it…

empty glass

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