Today, as I was making a quick retail purchase, I think the sweet woman at the register actually “hit” on me. I think. Moments like that never really happen to me, or else I’m kinda’ “thick” about it. It was charming and awkward, all at the same time, for a couple of reasons:
1. I am happily married to the MAN of my dreams already. I love that guy…
I guess I have never even been all that comfortable with the notion of possibly being “attractive” – I mean, I feel awful even typing that phrase. Yuk. At best, I consider myself slightly above average-looking: I don’t scare babies and old people but no one ever mistakes me for Chris Evans, either. My Sweetie tells me every day how handsome and beautiful I am (and I love him for that) but, after 5+ years of near-daily affirmations, it stills feel strange and a little uncomfortable..
As weird as it sounds, I never struggled with being gay but have always struggled with body image and self-acceptance. Even in my early 20’s, when I had a 32″ waist – a size L-O-N-G gone from my closet, BTW – I still wasn’t happy with how I looked. I have been in therapy for almost two decades and been blessed with the most loving, supportive and affirming partner EVER for going on six years now, so I AM making progress. Who knows? Maybe one day, I will be an arrogant, conceited A-hole (but I doubt it).
So, nice counter lady, thank you for the real-or-perceived-to-be-real coyness. We will never – and I mean, NEVER – be together but you definitely helped boost my self-esteem a bit today and reminded me how lucky I am to be with the man I have always wished for… Thanks!