Like all little boys, I have always wanted a “super power.” I have since childhood. I grew up, inspired by TV shows and movies (of late, the INCREDIBLE X-Men series!) and always just knew that one day I would miraculously awaken with the ability to shape-shift, or teleport or – at the very least – turn base metal into gold. I knew one day my power would manifest itself and I would be different. I would be special. I would be powerful. I think that day has arrived.
My power made itself known to me today at work: I kill computers.
To say the least, it is NOT the power, the “gift,” I had hoped for. It is an irritating, useless – and expensive! – ability.
It started about two months ago. People that follow my blog will remember my painful accounting of how my twelve-year-old computer had, one day, just decided to stop working. I was crushed, frustrated and a little bewildered. Should I repair it, or buy new? Is it worth fixing? What the Hell should I do? Well, after much soul searching (and two therapy sessions/several meditations), I replaced it and moved on. Just bad luck. Everything wears out eventually. Nothing out of the ordinary. Really?
After that ordeal, a couple weeks passed then my Beloved’s less-than-five-years-old laptop up and died. Seems like the motherboard committed suicide or something. It was, again, hella’ unfortunate timing; in fact, we STILL have not replaced it. Why was this happening to us? How could this be just a coincidence? Why was The Universe punishing us this way?
I wanted to believe these two events were unfortunate, non-related happenings. I wanted to believe that it was just rotten luck. Then today happened…
I walked into work today, flipped on our seven-year-old-give-or-take computer and waited. And waited. And waited for the screen to come on. The green “on” light was on, but it was blinking. There was no picture. I didn’t know what to do (without internet access, I am pretty helpless), so I called Martin. He got online and checked out possible problems; it seems as though we (I?) may have blown a capacitor in the monitor, whatever the hell that is. Martin tells me it takes like $10 and a screwdriver to repair. My solution was to come home from work, pick up the old monitor from MY original, now-defunct computer and “Frankenstein” it all together at the studio. It worked. Then it hit me:
My wish has come true. I HAVE a mutant, secret power – like an X-Man. I kill computers. My X-Man name would be like “TechnoScrambler,” or “ITReaper.”
It is NOT the power I wanted. Give me wings, let me breathe underwater, let me change color. Anything. Anything but TechnoScrambler or ITReaper.
It is a horrible curse, this “gift.” I mean, in a movie, I could abort a nuclear strike by “frying” the computer controls; I could stop a self-destruct sequence and save all the trapped scientists by waving my “powerful hands” over the control panel and short-circuiting the countdown. Instead, it seems I touch things in real life, they break, I get pissed and they cost me money to repair/replace. Sigh…
So many mutant powers, all so much better than mine. How about diamonds? Could I maybe like change ice cubes into real “ice” – real diamonds? How about that? 🙂