I joke that, when I used to HAVE a lot more hair, it was red. And the old notion that redheads have terrible tempers is very true – at least in my case. I have worked very hard all my life to try and keep my temper under control but sometimes it just “slips out.” It happened today, something that I am less-than-proud about. In a display that would have looked silly on a twelve-year-old but even sillier on a fifty-five-year-old, I lost my cool and had a mini-tantrum. It was childish and I regretted it instantly, all the more so because the person suffering the brunt of that episode is someone that I love very, VERY much (with all my heart, as a matter of fact). The whole episode was over in an instant, and I apologized for it immediately after it happened. All was forgiven and it was dismissed and forgotten as quickly as it happened. But I did not forget it.
I did not forget how awful I felt as it was happening. I did not forget the tiniest moment of feeling out of control, emotionally. And I cannot forget how the person I love most, that person that deserves better, told me to forget it and reminded me how much he loved me. I am a lucky guy.
In those rare moments of raw, naked emotion, of humanity happening without pretense or posing, I am reminded of how imperfect I am, and how much work I still need to do.
I am also reminded, almost daily, that The Universe really does have guardian angels and – if you are lucky, like me – they find their way to you…
five - a blog 