A Dream Redefined

As a young gay boy growing up in the middle of nowhere (Shelby, Ohio), I always had a vision of what my “grown-up” life would be: I’d have a fabulous job, have fabulous friends, live in a fabulous city, wear fabulous clothes, take the train to work (I’d be too fabulous to drive) and – well, I think you get the picture. An experience-hungry gay teen in a town of, like, 8000 people (most of them my cousins), dreaming of a fantasy life in a major metropolitan area. I always thought my life would look like this:

Commuters on a TrainYeah, that handsome guy on the left would have been me (like I EVER looked like that), taking the train into “the city” to my job (no doubt in advertising or public relations), stealing a peek at the uptight lady-in-a-power-suit’s New York Times. These didn’t even exist when I was fifteen but I am SO sure I would have had a kale smoothie – with an energy boost – for breakfast, I would have “worked out” at lunch (maybe racquetball for 45 minutes?) and then I would have taken the train home to my handsome “boyfriend” in the tony suburb we lived in outside the city – I’m thinking it would have been like a 40 minute commute, each way. Once home, I would have popped some great-but-not-overly-pretentious wine and my love and I would have watched the shows we taped on the VCR the night before. Bliss.

Fast forward thirty years into reality…

I do have a job I enjoy – two jobs, really – but to be honest, I am making about the same dough I made when I was twenty-five. Instead of a smartly-cut suit, I wear a logo’d polo shirt and khakis to work every day, and my sleek attache case has been replaced with my brown bag lunch. I did make it to a “big city” – well, actually, I live in Cleveland, Ohio, the 45th largest city in America. I love smoothies, but the kind made with peanut butter, honey and bananas. Exercise? YUK! And I do not live with my boyfriend – I actually live with my legally-married HUSBAND (although we prefer the term spouse) and my commute from work is a seventeen minute bus ride to a mildly tony suburb of Cleveland. There is no wine; I quit drinking more than a decade ago. And the VHS has been replaced by On Demand/a VCR.rtabus

Is my life what I imagined/hoped it would be? No – it’s even better!

I have a man that completes me in every way, after a lifetime of false-starts and failed relationships. Today I left my job at one of our city’s most-revered public institutions, walked past our world-class art museum as well as the permanent home of our world famous orchestra, thru the campus of a prestigious private college and waited at the bus stop outside the campus cathedral. While I didn’t get to “steal” a Wall Street Journal or Times read, I sat next to a lovely lady that was chatty, obviously an immigrant and just super delightful and polite. No one did any break dancing on the bus, and no one gave me a card that said s/he was (insert disability here) and selling these cards to make a living. I stepped on the bus at 5:38P; at 6:05P, I was in my PJ’s, missing my Beloved (he works tonight 5-10P). I called a couple of friends and then made a cup of instant coffee with “fancy” flavored creamer. I am now waiting for my Beloved to get home from work. It’s been a great day.

Dreams are great but seldom turn out to be all we imagined them to be. If, like me, you get lucky – your life will be even better than you imagined! I had a rough draft for my life in my head, one which I thought was perfection. The reality is, my life is honestly more perfect now than I could have ever dreamed.

Would I like to “hit” The Powerball for $160 million dollars? You bet but, all in all, I am pretty blessed. Thanks, Universe! I appreciate it!

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Change

People that know me well know I often joke – typically in a horrible Frankenstein voice – “Change. Bad.” Yet I find that change is inevitable and often (usually?) unavoidable so, rather than resist change, I opt to reframe it. I find it easier to consider change not AS change, but maybe evolution, the next step, whatever.

The reality is, change is coming in my life and I am trying to “get ready.” I think – well, at least for me – change usually comes as the result of some cataclysmic event, some profound and life-altering occurrence. With this impending change, the circumstances are no different (OK, maybe it is cataclysmic “lite”), but I am attempting to reframe the upcoming events in my mind in a new, more positive, everything’s-coming-up-roses kinda’ way… Change. Good.

afraid

So, yeah – change is never easy, change is often entered into reluctantly but change is inherently neither good nor bad – it just is. Change. I suppose when I consider the true definition of change: to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is, I can almost accept it (change) more easily. I also like to frame it up this way – if change is to make the future course something different from what it is, well, I guess that would involve some thought and imagination. Maybe even the formation of DREAMS. Given that concept, it is easy for me to accept change when framed up in the context below. Wish me luck – I’ll keep you posted!

dream big

Monday Memes 9

I have to admit, I look forward to Mondays on my blog the most. I love memes, graphics, drawings – they are like little condensed “micro posts,” visually-appealing gems of advice, commentary or ideas. They are fantastic – and today’s singular meme is, in my opinion, THE.BEST.ONE.EVER. Please – promise me you will actually read all the text; in fact, if you could read it aloud, so you can hear yourself say these things, that would be fantastic. I have to confess, this little graphic is now my life manifesto. Enjoy!

this is your life

To the creator of this graphic, whoever you are, I say “THANKS!” This is amazing…

Close Your Eyes…

Today was my first real day off after a V-E-R-Y long and busy week last week, and I anticipate having a similar week this week again (it’s all good though!) To be honest, I was also off yesterday but my beloved and I did a whole round of errands – grocery shopping and the like – so we could have today completely free to spend all day together at the beach…

Guess what? It was gloomy and rainy all day today. Bullocks!

Anyway, as our alternative plan, we saw a matinee movie (“The Conjuring” – FANTASTIC!), stopped at our favorite European market to pick up some delicious Polish mayonnaise (there is NOTHING like it) and did a bit of off-price shopping. We had a very full, very fun day together, doing nothing spectacular but having a great time anyway; I guess that’s what it feels like when you have finally found “The One.”

So, after parking the car in the garage, I closed my eyes for a minute before heading upstairs, just to catch up and relish/remember the day before going on up to our apartment. As I closed my eyes, I remembered this little quote:

Kiss Laugh and LoveIt made me smile to realize that there I was, sitting in our parking garage with my eyes closed, smiling. I have always loved the quote above and I am happy to share it with you all today.

I love my partner very much. We had an awesome day today together; I hope your day was awesome, too. And the next time you close your eyes, I hope it is for one of the reasons listed above…