Fashion Statement: Doll Clothing for Men

I have never considered myself a clothes horse. Not even close. Frankly, I couldn’t care less about fashion and/or being fashionable (I mean, c’mon – I wear “Dad jeans,” LOL!) I blame that on a lot of things – a less-than-affluent childhood (I wore a lot of hand-me-downs from my cousin Eddie), a lifetime plagued by poor body/self image, a genetically-predestined “sturdy, big-boned” frame (I am of German descent – we are a solid stock) and, quite honestly, just a lack of interest in men’s fashion. I tend to think most men’s fashion is a bit boring and pedestrian. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely think well-dressed guys are sharp and handsome but being fashionable has always been second to being comfortable for me. Which brings me to today’s blog question:

Who the HELL decided fashionably-dressed men should look like PeeWee Herman? And if that isn’t bad enough, who decided men should all buy clothing two sizes too small, like The Grinch’s heart? The male models I see everywhere today are wearing clothing¬†that would probably (barely) “fit” a Ken doll. I mean, what is this?

Outfit tweedOutfit Navy

I would like to quickly point out that the images of both men above were taken from fashion blog “Look Books” (click the images to be re-directed to the original sites) and that I think both these guys are current and pleasant-looking, if somewhat “pinched.” They are also in outfits that look two sizes too small or, even worse, look like adults wearing suits they got in eighth grade. Is there a world-wide shortage of suiting fabric I am unaware of? I don’t get it…

Neither of these guys are “big” – I’d guess each of them to be like 5’8″ or so and a lean, mean maybe 155 pounds. So how in the world can they even FIND clothes that look so small and tight? I mean, c’mon… The gentleman at top is in what I assume could be called a business casual suit, yet his pants look like they barely graze his pubes, his pants are too short (and no socks? don’t get me started!), his sleeves are too short, his shirt looks constrictive and his jacket is so tight it literally pulls across that toned pigeon chest of his in the “relaxed” pose at left. And the navy blue blazer guy fairs only slightly better…

Navy blue blazer’s jacket is so tight it cinches in at the waist, creating – at least in my mind, – a very feminine silhouette. The dress shirt is one button too unbuttoned for me (can you say Reek-oh Swah-vay?) And are we STILL doing distressed denim (hole-y jeans)? At least this guy’s pant hems touch his shoe tops.

I know I probably sound like some old, chubby fashion-hater but I question why – in a world constantly battling eating disorders in boys and girls, men and women – why do we aspire to be “spindle thin” mean wearing clothes that fit like bandages?

God love you fashionista’s – you keep squeezing into those mini-pants and I will keep wearing baggy polo style¬†shirts.